STORY: "LIFE OF A UNILORIN STUDENT" - EPISODE 1-5

 EPISODE 4

 "THE WALKWAY"

The Unilorin Walkway is the home of seeing things, I tell you. If you're bored

or you have a free period, just goan sit at the walkway.

The walkway is where you see the pretty, beautiful, handsome, ugly, crazy,

funny people, people with tight wardrobe, people with mad shoes (the mad in

two dimensions tho) and the PFA students. I don't know the rehearsal they're

always doing that they'll be disturbing the entire school (one can even hear

them from the school gate sef) but it's so nice when you watch them tho cos

of what the girls wear. *wink*

Before we continue, can someone please tell Engineering girls to always stay

in their classrooms, thank you. (nothing attached tho, you get?)

The walkway is just a very interesting place to just sit, relax and feed your

eyes. Let me give you guys one coded code, you know Faculty of Social

Sciences girls are the endowed babes. If you love feeding your eyes, just

goan sit close to Block 8 .

And wait o, someone told me that those that have spilled, splashed and

splushed are the ones that always sit there. *Always. Someone told me ni o.

But some people sef, they'll just sit down there because they want to watch

TV, some people, it's to goan eat engine burger (Bread & Akara). Some

people ehn, it's to goan be laughing at people that didn't dress well.

Walkway is a place that has caused some people failing CBT courses. A

student that came jeje for CBT Exam, instead of him to go straight to CBT

centre. He'll get carried away and miss exam. But can that happen sha? Lol.

The Walkway on Fridays is a funny one. Someone will sit down at skyway

o, the person doesn't know he/she has automatically joined one fellowship or

group. What about Saturdays? God! Some people will just balance and use

their money to buy shoe that has tyre under and start disturbing the walkway.

You better goan count your book, (Lo ka iwe e).

What about the kiosks? Kiosk 14 is the surest for toast bread. The toilets

nko? Please allow me to skip that else.....well. *lips sealed*

There are some people that sit at the walkway for no reason. You'll see them

when you're going to school, you'll see them when you have break, you'll see

them at the same spot when you're going. Bros, why?

LIFE OF A UNILORIN STUDENT (EPISODE 1)

Pretty Unilorin Girls and forming is like a law student and white & black. 

Yes, there are fine girls than fine boys in Unilorin. In fact every faculty in Unilorin has different categories of girls. If you're looking for the assets, visit Social Science or Management Sciences. If you're looking for the pretty pretty girls, visit all science departments. For the 'serious serious baes', go to UITH. For the very pretty but unserious girls, visit Arts (PFA to be precise). For the 'not fine but very serious girls'(I did not say ugly o), visit Engineering. For the playful girls (you know what I mean) visit Education and Agriculture. Now, to that faculty where Unilorin Fm is, I don't understand the pride in those girls and it's not that they're fine o but they can form for Jesus sef. That department where the stadium is, chai, those girls will be wearing bump shorts upandan claiming they're in Human kinectics. 

Ehen, why Pretty Unilorin Girls Form? 

First, I don't understand why these girls form but I'll try. Almost every Unilorin babe I've met has one serious boyfriend in Lagos, like me I no sabi as e dey go for lag. Boyfriend that is straf#ing different girls in Lagos. Some Unilorin boys sef use to f##k up, they'll be dressing like Sango . Unilorin dress code did not say you should be wearing different colours of jean. You'll see some boys wearing multi-coloured skinny jeans, my brother why? Are you from Sango's lineage? Dress well, wear nice round necks, nice *chino* trousers and nice shoes. When exam comes, better be sharp o. No be me koba you o, omolomo. Another aspect of Unilorin girls forming is they always want to visit the mall or eat sharwarma. They sha want to go out sha. And when they

want to call cab they'll be saying *Shoprite* like it's only shoprite that's in the mall. Imagine Domino or Coldstone opens in Ilorin.

Lol, my brothers money is going, money is gone. Thank God me I'm kuku leaving.

And you hardly find a fine Unilorin babe at Buka, opposite SUB. They believe it's broke boys that go there, they don't know it's where you'll eat and be okay. "Home of Bread and Beans". Chai, God bless Iya Chy-Oma of Buka 10.  

Another thing about Fine Unilorin girls, they won't date a guy that boards Korope, like say no be means of transportation not to talk of the ones that do 'Tanke Sir'. If you want automatic place in Unilorin Girl's heart, buy a car. If you can't buy, bring your father's car (I'm not there sha) but if you have a car, just park, get down and stand in front pressing your phone you'll see what will happen in 10mins.

Another code is for guys in 300l, 400l and 500l. When girls of lower levels hear your level, they'll fall which will make girls of your level kinda jealous and reduce forming. Also get involved doing something like dancing, singing, playing instruments, do something sha. Many activities coming up in 2ndsemester.

Finally, if you're planning to do any of the above mentioned, don't forget to read o. 1.50 ni crossing CGPA o or Tanke Straight, Tanke sef is full. Lagos Straight. Unilorin no send o, they like book, so better have sense. 

(Life of a Unilorin Student)

Episode 2 - The Unilorin Student I.D. Card and The Neck

The Unilorin Students' I.D. Card must always be on your neck, Unilorin Students hate that principle especially those ones that have the ash colour. I didn't sha call any faculty. This is where I Love Freshers, the I.D. card can ^shack^ their head. Make they no just collect am, they will keep wearing it, some will hang it in front of their door sef. Well, It's not easy getting in a "Better by Far" Uni sha.

Sometimes I just imagine a girl after the 3 hours of make-up and dresssing just for an hour class o 😒 then when the cab is approaching the school gate she remembers she forgot her I.D Card at home. Sorry sister, you'll be deported. There's one security man that stands at the right side, his eyes are always yellow. That man ehn, I don't know if it pass this I.D. card or means of identification o or Unilorin gives the man extra income for stopping a student without I.D. card at the gate. He's always taking it personal. I kuku like that policeman with marks on his face, Omolomo, the man cannor come and kill himself.

There are these students I love, those with the red tag. They no dey comot the I.D. Card, it'll be on their neck till they enter their room sef especially their guys, Sharp Men! Accounting and Finance students too, always looking sharp also. This Unilorin ehn, they've made students so love this I.D. Card. There was a day, I was heading to a place after offa garage then I saw this guy walkiing towards that place with his I.D. Card on his neck. My brother, why? Or shey Unilorin big reach that side ni?😏

The set of students that wear the ash tag, those ones, Chai!  They'll not wear their I.D. Card, that's why one will hardly see ash tag in school but it's only that faculty that wears the yellow tag that will wear their I.D. Card day and night, even to fellowship that's why they had to split them then create other colors because the way they'll wear that tag ehn, the color will just be changing.😄  

Another thing about this I.D. Card is when you're passing through Students' Affairs and you dress like you're going to Spartakus. The next thing you hear is "Come here, give me your I.D. Card". My brothers and sisters, it's your convocation already. The only difference is your parents come after this particular convocation. 

Finally, some students will be washing their tag as if it is jean they're washing. Just put your tag inside the water while washing then bring it out when you're done. That's all.

Remember, always wear your I.D. Card while in the school premises.

Watch out for the next topic "Unilorin, Queues and Shunting". You don't want to mizz it.

(Life of a Unilorin Student) Episode 3 Unilorin, Queues And Shunting

One thing I know about Unilorin is "Queues" especially the 100l students, they can queue for everything. To get cab down to school, queue. To get cab down to tanke, queue. To see Level Adviser, queue. To collect gown, queue. To collect certificate, queue. To get rusticated, queue. Lol, just kidding 😃. 

From these queues, that's where you find "shunting". 

Unilorin Students are the most familiar with this particular word. I think it it's the most widely used word within the school. 

Let us define the word "Shunt". Shunt can be described as when a person moves ahead of another person not in the normal way. Example is when you're on a queue then someone just comes in front of you from nowhere. You should understand how annoying it is. After standing on the queue for a long time. This argument happens often at banks tho.

Some Unilorin students can do strong head tho. If they just see someone trying to go in, chai, it is World War IV. They will just bone their face like one Orisa and start blasting you and now that the transportation has not been something smooth. No one is smiling.

I was on a queue recently then there was this dude in front of me, a no-shunt person. If you try get to his front, you're in trouble. He'll just tell you to go behind him then these students with blue and black came to shunt, mehn that's how gbege started. This guy started to shout, they agreed to go behind me. Sincerely speaking, there was this pretty lady from physical sciences that just came to this guy's front. 

This dude did not even say anything, Shoo 😒. There was this silence until a guy from the back shouted *Ashewo oshi!!! Idi lo ma pa e* Lwkmd! 😂 That's how everyone started laughing, they just kept blasting this guy, the girl was just smiling but me was looking at another thing tho 😜. It's very hard not allowing fine girls shunt especially those with the heavy assets. If you can't allow them in, me I can.

But there are few guys that do not send o. If you like be fine like Angel, my sister you'll go back.

NEXT EPISODE (Walkway)  LOADING...

(LIFE OF A UNILORIN STUDENT)

 EPISODE 5

CAMPUS, TANKE AND OKE-ODO

This is one important part of the life of a Unilorin student. Where you stay in

anywhere matters a lot because it changes you. Students will say they can't

stay on campus cos it's being classified as a prison, why? Did you see bars

in front of your hostel?

In Unilorin, you're either staying on campus, Oke-Odo, Tanke or other areas

especially those based in Ilorin because i don't know what a student is looking

for outside Tanke. Staying on campus, there's one crazy benefit which you'll

enjoy and that's Electricity. Electricity is one thing you'll enjoy on campus,

apart from that, some people will say you'll enjoy reading. Please who

enjoys reading? It's annoying abegi. It's my Almighty God that'll judge that

person that started exams even school sef.

Let me start with Lagos hostel, chai chai chai, i heard those girls are dirty, i

heard ni o and they walk upandan with no clothes, *i heard ni o* Please o.

What of Zamfara hostel? Well, they're neat but there are many hotspots close

to the hostel. When i say hotspots, you know what i mean. The hotspot is fast

ehn, imfact 4G that cannot be seen. Things happen there at night, they know

themselves sha.

What of the boys hostel? Jesu! When you enter boys hostel, just make sure

you don't pass their toilets else you'll enter coma. I warned you o. And those

boys cannot cook, chai. You'll see different types of rice in that hostel, red,

yellow, yellow mixed with green for those that want to form best chef. What

of the Private hostels (Girls)? Awon omo butti that will be talking like insect.

The way cars always go to that hostel to pick up girls at night ehn, *lips

sealed*

Let's talk about Oke-Odo. First, know that if you're staying at Oke-Odo, it's

-1.0 in your GPA per session or -0.5 in your CGPA per session. That is a

place where GPA is being sucked like...errm..errrm. See them dirty minded.

That place is just too lively. Club Evoke is now close, chai. Awon ti

Bekadims. Awon GP suckers. For the boys, is it girls you're looking for?

Jesu, they're many faa. Just know how to set your P well. Girls that will be

wearing *lips sealed* that the first thing that will come to your head is "Shey

I no go rape this girl like this" especially those boys that Konji haff catch

their life. Does Oke-odo have any benefit sha?

What of Tanke? First know that staying in Tanke or Oke-Odo, the light is

very bad. You can clearly see in the image.. Tanke is not really boring but it's

just that it's you and your hostel compared to Oke-Odo that's it's you and and

the whole "Oke-odo". The boys in my hostel ehn, chai, they kill any animal

that mistakenly crawls into the compound looking for food. First, it was dog,

it was a friend's dog tho but they killed and ate it sha. Next was goat, the

mumu goat went to enter compound that they're on red eyes. Just yesterday,

they killed a goat that entered the compound and ate. I'm serious o. Students ehn.

For those that are not Ilorin based and are staying off Tanke and Oke-Odo.

You are abnormal because i don't know what you're looking for.

 Guess the next topic? "Dress Code"